So I have this annoying tendency where I push all the people who are good to me away because I feel as if they’re too good and I don’t deserve it. Either that, or I’m just extremely scared to get attached to anyone because I know where that leads to. It gets annoying because I always end up feeling so territorial after.. when it was all my fault in the first place. It could’ve been potentially good, but here I go again psyching myself out. And when they get tired of making the effort, I get sad over it when again, I’m the one who pushed them away. I never know what to do with my feelings and it’s ridiculous. I hate the way I am. Even I’m annoyed with myself. But I guess all I really want is for someone to have all the patience to not give up on me despite of how many times I try to push them away. Because most of the time, I just want to see who cares enough to stay and wait for me put my guard down. If someone even cares enough to chase after me when I choose to walk away. I just want someone to see that I am the way I am because I was hurt. And still love every bit of what’s left of me. But I know that’s too much to ask for nowadays.
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